What You Don't Need to Be Afraid Of

“They can change the locks and keep me out of my own home.”

Both spouses have a legal right to the marital home until a court order says otherwise. It does not matter whose name is on the deed or the lease. If your spouse changes the locks, you can call the police or file an emergency motion with the court to regain access. In most states, locking out a spouse without a court order is illegal.

“They can take the kids and I'll never see them again.”

One parent cannot unilaterally decide to keep the children from the other parent. Until a court issues a custody order, both parents have equal legal rights. Courts in nearly every state strongly favor shared custody arrangements because research consistently shows children do best when they have meaningful relationships with both parents. If your spouse takes the children and refuses contact, you can file an emergency custody motion.

“The court will give them full custody because I don't have a job.”

Being a stay-at-home parent is not a disadvantage in custody proceedings. Courts determine custody based on the best interest of the child — considering factors like each parent's relationship with the child, involvement in their daily life, stability, and willingness to co-parent. Income is not a deciding factor. In fact, many stay-at-home parents receive primary custody precisely because they have been the children's primary caregiver.

Read more: Stay-at-Home Parent's Rights in Divorce →

“I'll lose everything if I file for divorce first.”

Filing first does not give either spouse an advantage or disadvantage in how property is divided. In community property states (like California, Texas, and Arizona), marital assets are divided roughly 50/50 regardless of who files. In equitable distribution states, assets are divided based on what the court considers fair. The person who files first does not “win” anything extra.

“I can't afford a lawyer, so I'm stuck.”

Free and low-cost legal help exists in every state. Legal Aid societies provide free representation to those who qualify. State bar associations run pro bono programs that match people with volunteer attorneys. Many divorce lawyers offer free initial consultations, sliding-scale fees, or payment plans. You may also qualify for court-appointed representation or fee waivers. Not having money does not mean not having options.

Read more: Pro Se Divorce — Representing Yourself →

“The court will side with whoever makes more money.”

Income does not determine who “wins” in divorce. Property division is governed by state law, not by who earns more. Custody is based on the child's best interest, not financial resources. In fact, the spouse who earns less is often more protected by the law: they may be entitled to alimony (spousal support), a larger share of certain assets, and child support payments. The legal system is specifically designed to prevent one spouse from using financial power to dominate the other.