You've Been Served Divorce Papers — What to Do Right Now
A process server just showed up. Or your spouse left paperwork on the kitchen counter. Or an envelope arrived in the mail with a court stamp. However it happened, you are now holding divorce papers — and you probably feel like the ground just disappeared under your feet. Here is exactly what to do next.
Step 1: Don't Panic — But Do Not Ignore These Papers
This is the single most important thing to understand:
Being served divorce papers does not mean your divorce is final. It does not mean you have no say. It means a legal clock is now ticking, and you need to respond within a specific deadline. If you do nothing, you lose.
Take a breath. You have time — not unlimited time, but enough to think clearly and act wisely. The worst thing you can do right now is stuff these papers in a drawer and pretend they do not exist. The second worst thing is to react emotionally and do something you will regret.
Find a quiet place. Read the papers carefully — all of them. Then come back to this guide.
Step 2: Understand What You Were Served
The stack of papers you received is not random. Each document serves a specific legal purpose. Here is what you are likely looking at:
The Petition (or Complaint) for Divorce
This is the main document. Your spouse (the “Petitioner”) is telling the court what they want: how they want property divided, who gets custody, whether they want spousal support, and the legal grounds for divorce. Read every word. What they are asking for is what they will get if you do not respond.
The Summons
This is the court's official notice that you are being sued for divorce. Most importantly, it contains your deadline to respond. Read the date carefully. Circle it. Put it in your phone. This deadline is legally enforceable and missing it has severe consequences.
Temporary Restraining Orders (ATROs)
In many states (California, for example), standard temporary restraining orders are automatically included with divorce papers. These typically prohibit both parties from hiding or destroying assets, canceling insurance, taking children out of state, and making major financial changes. These orders apply to both spouses immediately — not just you. Violating them can result in contempt of court.
Financial Declarations or Disclosure Forms
Some states require initial financial disclosures to be served with the Petition or shortly after. These are forms where each spouse lists their income, expenses, assets, and debts. If you received these, you will need to complete your own set as part of your Response.
Other Court Orders or Motions
Check for any emergency motions — requests for temporary custody, exclusive use of the family home, or temporary support. If your spouse filed any of these simultaneously, you may have an even shorter deadline to respond to those specific motions (sometimes as little as 5–10 days).
Step 3: Know Your Deadline
Every state gives you a specific number of days to file a formal Response with the court. This is not a suggestion — it is a legal deadline. Here are some common examples:
- •California: 30 days from date of service
- •Texas: 20 days, plus the Monday following the 20th day
- •New York: 20 days (personal service) or 30 days (other methods)
- •Florida: 20 days from date of service
- •Illinois: 30 days from date of service
- •Pennsylvania: 20 days from date of service
- •Ohio: 28 days from date of service
Your Summons will state the exact number of days. Count from the date you were officially served — not the date you actually read the papers. If you were served on a Friday but did not open the envelope until Monday, the clock started on Friday.
What Happens If You Do NOT Respond: Default Judgment
This is the worst-case scenario — and it is entirely preventable.
If you miss your deadline and fail to file a Response, your spouse can ask the court for a default judgment. This means the judge grants your spouse everything they asked for in their Petition — without hearing your side at all.
A default judgment can award your spouse:
- •The house, vehicles, and other property — exactly as they requested
- •Full or primary custody of the children
- •Spousal support (alimony) at the amount they requested
- •Child support at their proposed amount
- •Division of retirement accounts and investments in their favor
Once a default judgment is entered, reversing it is extremely difficult. You would need to file a motion to set aside the default, prove you had a valid reason for not responding (excusable neglect, never actually received papers, etc.), and convince a judge to reopen the case. Many people fail at this. Courts do not look kindly on people who simply ignored their legal obligations.
Bottom line: Even if you are overwhelmed, even if you disagree with everything, even if you think this will all blow over — file your Response before the deadline. You can always negotiate later. You cannot negotiate if you have already lost by default.
How to File a Response
Filing a Response is your formal way of telling the court: “I am here, I have a voice, and here is what I want.” Here is the general process:
- 1.Get the correct Response form. Each state has its own form. In California, it is FL-120 (Response — Marriage/Domestic Partnership). In Texas, it is called an “Original Answer.” Your local court's website or self-help center will have the form you need.
- 2.Fill it out completely. You will state whether you agree or disagree with each claim in the Petition. You can also make your own requests — for custody, support, property division — that differ from what your spouse asked for.
- 3.File it with the court. Take your completed Response to the courthouse clerk or file it electronically (many courts now accept e-filing). There is usually a filing fee ($50–$450 depending on the state). If you cannot afford it, ask for a fee waiver form.
- 4.Serve a copy on your spouse (or their attorney). After filing, you must send a copy of your Response to the other side. This can usually be done by mail, but check your local rules. You will also need to file a Proof of Service with the court.
- 5.Keep copies of everything. Make at least two copies of every document you file — one for your records and one for your attorney if you hire one later.
Do You Need a Lawyer?
You are not legally required to have a lawyer. You have the right to represent yourself (called “pro se” or “pro per”). Many people successfully handle simple, uncontested divorces on their own. However, you should seriously consider hiring an attorney if:
- •Your spouse already has an attorney
- •Children and custody are involved
- •You own significant assets (home, retirement accounts, business)
- •There is a history of domestic violence or abuse
- •Your spouse is requesting terms that seem unfair or one-sided
- •You are confused by the legal documents and process
- •There are allegations of hidden assets or financial misconduct
Even if you cannot afford a full-representation attorney, many offer “limited scope” or “unbundled” services — where they help you with specific tasks (like reviewing the Petition, drafting your Response, or representing you at a single hearing) without handling the entire case.
What If You Cannot Afford a Lawyer?
You have more options than you think. Lack of money does not mean lack of legal help.
- •Legal Aid Societies: Federally funded organizations that provide free legal services to people below the income threshold. Visit LawHelp.org to find your local legal aid office.
- •Pro Bono Attorneys: Many law firms, including major ones, assign attorneys to take divorce cases for free. Contact your state or county bar association's pro bono program.
- •Law School Clinics: Law schools across the country run family law clinics where supervised law students handle real divorce cases for free.
- •Court Self-Help Centers: Most courthouses have a self-help center where staff can help you fill out forms, explain the process, and point you to resources. They cannot give legal advice, but they can help with procedure.
- •ABA Free Legal Answers: The American Bar Association runs a free online Q&A platform where you can get one-time legal advice from volunteer attorneys at abafreelegalanswers.org.
For a comprehensive guide to free legal resources, see our article: Free Divorce Lawyers: How to Get Legal Help You Can't Afford.
What If You Were Served Incorrectly?
Every state has strict rules about how divorce papers must be delivered. If service was not done properly, you may have grounds to challenge it. Common service defects include:
- •Papers were left with a minor child instead of an adult
- •Your spouse personally served you (in most states, a party to the case cannot serve papers)
- •Papers were left at the wrong address
- •The process server did not properly identify you
- •Service by publication was used when your address was known
Important: Improper service does not make the divorce go away. It only delays the process. Your spouse can simply re-serve you correctly. If you believe service was defective, consult an attorney about whether it is strategically worth challenging or whether you are better off simply filing your Response on the merits.
What If You Agree with Everything?
If you have read the Petition and you agree with the terms your spouse is proposing — the property split, the custody plan, the support amounts — you are in the best-case scenario. This is called an uncontested divorce, and it is the fastest, cheapest, and least painful way to end a marriage.
Even if you agree with everything, you should still file a Response. Why? Because filing protects your rights. If you simply do nothing and let a default judgment happen, you lose the ability to modify the terms later if circumstances change. A properly filed uncontested agreement gives both parties a voice in the final decree.
In an uncontested divorce, both parties can often file a stipulated agreement or settlement and skip the trial entirely. Many uncontested divorces are finalized in 2–4 months depending on your state's mandatory waiting period.
What If You Disagree?
If you disagree with some or all of what your spouse is asking for, your Response is where you make that clear. In your Response, you can:
- •Deny specific claims. You do not have to agree with your spouse's version of facts, their proposed custody arrangement, or their suggested property division.
- •Make counter-requests. You can ask the court for a different custody arrangement, a different division of property, spousal support, or anything else the court has the power to grant.
- •Raise affirmative defenses. If there are legal reasons the divorce should not proceed as filed (fraud, lack of jurisdiction, etc.), this is where you raise them.
After both sides have filed their positions, the court will typically order mediation or a settlement conference before scheduling a trial. Most divorces — even contested ones — settle before trial. Only about 5% of divorce cases actually go to trial.
Temporary Orders That May Already Be in Effect
When divorce papers are filed, certain temporary orders may take effect immediately — sometimes before you have even been served. Understanding these is critical because violating them, even unknowingly, can hurt your case.
Automatic Temporary Restraining Orders (ATROs)
Many states (including California) impose automatic mutual restraining orders the moment divorce papers are filed and served. These typically prohibit both parties from transferring, hiding, or destroying assets; removing the other party from insurance; changing beneficiaries on retirement accounts or life insurance; and taking minor children out of state without consent.
Temporary Custody Orders
If your spouse requested emergency or temporary custody as part of the filing, a judge may have already signed an order establishing a temporary custody arrangement. Check your papers carefully for any court-signed orders.
Temporary Support Orders
Either party can request temporary spousal support or child support while the divorce is pending. If such an order has been entered, you are legally obligated to comply with it immediately, even if you plan to contest it.
Exclusive Use of the Home
In some cases, one spouse may request (and a judge may grant) exclusive use of the family home during the divorce. This does not mean you lose ownership — it means you may need to find temporary housing while the case is resolved.
Protecting Yourself Financially — Immediately
The period right after being served is financially dangerous. Your spouse has had time to plan. You have not. Here are immediate steps to protect yourself — all of which are legal and will not violate any temporary orders:
- 1.Document all accounts and balances right now. Screenshot or print statements for every bank account, credit card, investment account, retirement account, and loan. Record balances as of today. This creates a financial snapshot that cannot be disputed later.
- 2.Open your own bank account if you do not already have one in your name only. Deposit enough to cover your basic living expenses for the next few weeks. Do not drain joint accounts — take only a reasonable amount (typically up to 50%).
- 3.Secure important documents. Gather and copy tax returns (last 3–5 years), pay stubs, mortgage documents, vehicle titles, insurance policies, estate planning documents, and any prenuptial or postnuptial agreements. Store copies outside the home.
- 4.Check your credit report. Pull your free report from AnnualCreditReport.com. Look for any accounts you do not recognize, recent inquiries, or changes to joint accounts. Set up credit monitoring.
- 5.Change passwords on your personal email, financial accounts, and devices. Do not change passwords on shared accounts you are both actively using — but secure your personal accounts immediately.
- 6.Do NOT make large purchases, transfers, or financial moves. Any unusual financial activity after being served will be scrutinized. Maintain the financial status quo until your attorney advises otherwise.
What NOT to Do After Being Served
The emotional shock of being served divorce papers can lead to impulsive decisions. Every single one of these mistakes can damage your case, cost you money, or harm your relationship with your children.
Do NOT confront your spouse angrily
No matter how blindsided you feel, an angry confrontation can be used against you. If it escalates and police are called, you could face a restraining order or criminal charges that devastate your custody case. Vent to a friend, a therapist, or our AI assistant — not to your spouse.
Do NOT hide assets
Moving money to secret accounts, transferring property to friends or family, or undervaluing assets is illegal. Courts take financial fraud seriously. If discovered (and forensic accountants are very good at discovering it), you can face penalties, lose credibility, and receive a worse settlement than if you had been honest.
Do NOT post on social media
Anything you post on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or TikTok can and will be used against you in divorce court. That angry rant about your spouse? Evidence. That photo of your expensive vacation? Evidence that you do not need support. That selfie at a bar? Evidence of irresponsible behavior. Go dark on social media until your divorce is finalized.
Do NOT leave the state with children
Taking your children out of state after divorce papers have been filed can be considered parental kidnapping in some jurisdictions. Even if your intentions are innocent (visiting family, taking a planned vacation), do not do it without written consent from your spouse or a court order. Violating this can permanently damage your custody case.
Do NOT destroy documents or evidence
Once divorce papers are filed, you have a legal duty to preserve all relevant documents and evidence. Deleting emails, shredding financial records, or wiping your phone can result in severe sanctions from the court, including adverse inferences (the judge assumes whatever you destroyed was bad for your case).
Do NOT sign anything without understanding it
If your spouse presents you with any agreements, waivers, or documents to sign — especially immediately after serving you — do not sign anything until you have had time to read it carefully and ideally have it reviewed by an attorney. Pressure to sign quickly is a red flag.
Do NOT move out of the house impulsively
Voluntarily leaving the family home can be interpreted as abandonment in some states and may weaken your claim to the property. It can also affect custody if the children stay in the home. Do not move out without consulting an attorney first — or at minimum, read our guide on whether to move out during divorce.
Your First 48-Hour Checklist
Here is a condensed action plan for the first two days after being served:
- ☐Read every document carefully. Identify the Petition, Summons, and any temporary orders.
- ☐Find your response deadline on the Summons. Mark it on your calendar with a reminder 5 days before.
- ☐Document all financial accounts — screenshot balances today.
- ☐Open an individual bank account if you do not have one.
- ☐Secure personal documents (tax returns, pay stubs, titles, insurance).
- ☐Change passwords on personal email and accounts.
- ☐Pull your credit report from AnnualCreditReport.com.
- ☐Contact at least one attorney for a consultation (many offer free initial consultations).
- ☐If you cannot afford an attorney, visit LawHelp.org or call your local bar association.
- ☐Do not confront your spouse, post on social media, or make major financial moves.
- ☐Tell one trusted person — a friend, family member, or therapist — what is happening.
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Legal Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Divorce laws, deadlines, and procedures vary significantly by state. The information above provides general guidance but your specific situation may differ.
Always consult with a licensed family law attorney in your state for advice specific to your circumstances. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. For crisis support, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.