Restraining Orders During Divorce: Understanding Your Options for Protection
Whether you are facing threats, harassment, or abuse from your spouse during divorce proceedings, the legal system provides several types of protective orders. Understanding which type applies to your situation — and how to obtain one quickly — can be the difference between safety and danger.
If you are in immediate danger
Call 911. Then contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for safety planning and resources. You do not have to wait for a court order to get help.
Types of Restraining Orders in Divorce Cases
The terminology varies by state, but there are generally three categories of protective orders available during divorce. Each serves a different purpose and has different timelines.
Emergency Protective Order (EPO)
An EPO is issued by law enforcement or a judge, often the same day or even the same hour an incident is reported. These are designed for situations of immediate danger and are authorized under state domestic violence statutes — for example, California Penal Code Section 646.91 and New York Criminal Procedure Law Section 530.12.
- •Duration: Typically 5-7 days, sometimes up to 15 days depending on the state
- •How to get one: Call police after an incident, or go directly to a judge. Some jurisdictions allow police officers to request one on your behalf
- •No hearing required: Issued based on immediate threat, without the other party present (ex parte)
Temporary Restraining Order (TRO)
A TRO provides protection while you wait for a full hearing. You apply by filing a petition with the court, and a judge reviews it — often within 24 hours or less.
- •Duration: Usually 20-25 days, until a full hearing can be scheduled
- •How to get one: File a petition at the courthouse. Many courts have self-help centers that will assist you with paperwork at no cost
- •Ex parte: The initial TRO is granted without the other party present, but a full hearing is scheduled within weeks where both sides can argue
Permanent Protective Order (PPO)
Despite the name, “permanent” orders are not necessarily forever. They are issued after a full hearing where both parties present evidence, and they typically last one to five years with the option to renew.
- •Duration: 1-5 years in most states, renewable. Some states allow truly permanent orders in severe cases
- •How to get one: Attend the hearing scheduled after your TRO. Bring evidence: photos, text messages, police reports, witness statements, medical records
- •Both parties heard: Your spouse has the right to attend and present their side. Having an attorney is strongly recommended
How to File for a Restraining Order
The filing process is designed to be accessible even without an attorney, though having legal help is always beneficial. Here are the general steps:
Go to your local courthouse
Visit the family court or domestic violence court clerk's office. Tell them you need to file for a protective order. Most courts have specific forms for this, and many have self-help centers with staff who will walk you through the paperwork. Under the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), states are prohibited from charging filing fees for domestic violence protective orders.
Fill out the petition
Describe the specific incidents of abuse, harassment, or threats in as much detail as possible. Include dates, times, locations, what was said or done, and any witnesses. Attach any evidence you have: screenshots of threatening texts, photos of injuries, police reports, medical records.
See the judge
In many courts, a judge will review your petition the same day. You may need to briefly explain your situation. If the judge finds sufficient grounds, they will issue a temporary restraining order immediately and schedule a full hearing within 2-3 weeks.
Your spouse is served
The court arranges for your spouse to be officially notified (served) with the restraining order. This is typically done by a sheriff or process server. The order takes effect once they are served. You do not have to serve the papers yourself.
Attend the full hearing
At the hearing, both sides present their case. Bring all your evidence and any witnesses. If the judge grants a permanent protective order, it will specify exactly what your spouse is prohibited from doing and for how long.
What a Restraining Order Can Cover
Protective orders are customizable. The judge will tailor the order to your specific situation. Common provisions include:
- ✓No contact: Prohibiting your spouse from calling, texting, emailing, messaging through third parties, or contacting you through social media
- ✓Stay-away order: Requiring your spouse to stay a specific distance (e.g., 100-500 feet) from you, your home, your workplace, your children's school
- ✓Move-out order: Ordering your spouse to leave the shared residence, even if they are on the lease or mortgage
- ✓Temporary custody: Granting you temporary sole custody of children and establishing supervised visitation if needed
- ✓Firearm surrender: Requiring your spouse to surrender firearms to law enforcement. Under federal law (18 U.S.C. Section 922(g)(8)), it is a felony to possess a firearm while subject to a qualifying domestic violence protective order. Most states have additional firearm restrictions that go even further
- ✓Property protection: Preventing destruction or disposal of shared property, pets, and personal belongings
- ✓Financial protections: Ordering continued payment of mortgage, utilities, or child support
ATROs: Automatic Temporary Restraining Orders in Divorce
Separate from domestic violence restraining orders, many states have Automatic Temporary Restraining Orders (ATROs) that take effect the moment a divorce petition is filed. In California, ATROs are codified under Family Code Sections 2040–2044 and activate automatically upon service of the divorce summons. These are not about physical safety — they protect assets and maintain the status quo.
ATROs typically prohibit both spouses from:
ATROs apply to both spouses equally and remain in effect until the divorce is finalized or a judge modifies them. States that use ATROs include California, Connecticut, Texas, New Jersey, and many others. Check your state's specific rules, as the exact provisions vary.
Violations and Enforcement
A restraining order is only useful if it is enforced. Here is what to do and what happens when the order is violated:
If your spouse violates the order:
- 1.Call 911 immediately if you feel unsafe. Restraining order violations are criminal offenses in every state. Under the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), 18 U.S.C. Section 2262, crossing state lines to violate a protective order is a federal crime. Police can arrest your spouse on the spot.
- 2.Document everything. Save texts, voicemails, photos, videos, and screenshots. Note dates, times, and any witnesses. Keep a log of every incident.
- 3.File a police report for every violation, even “minor” ones like an unwanted text message. This creates a paper trail that strengthens your case.
- 4.Report to your attorney and the court. Violations can result in criminal charges (misdemeanor or felony depending on severity and state), contempt of court, jail time, fines, and a stronger position for you in custody and divorce proceedings.
Keep a certified copy of your restraining order with you at all times — in your purse, car, and at work. Give copies to your children's school, your employer, and anyone who needs to know. If police respond to a violation, they will need to see the order.
False Allegations and Defending Against Unwarranted Orders
It is an unfortunate reality that restraining orders are sometimes sought as a tactical move in divorce rather than for genuine safety reasons. If a restraining order has been filed against you and you believe it is unwarranted:
Take it seriously
Even if you believe the allegations are false, comply fully with the temporary order. Violating it — even to “just talk” or pick up belongings — is a criminal offense that will devastate your credibility and your divorce case.
Get an attorney immediately
A family law attorney experienced with restraining orders can help you prepare for the hearing. The stakes are high: a permanent restraining order can affect custody, your ability to own firearms, and your professional reputation.
Prepare your evidence
Gather text messages, emails, and communications that demonstrate the relationship dynamic. If your spouse has made contradictory statements, document them. Witnesses who can testify about the true nature of the relationship are valuable. Consider whether security cameras, phone records, or GPS data might support your case.
Attend the hearing
If you fail to appear at the hearing, the judge will likely grant the permanent order by default. Show up, remain calm and respectful, and present your side. The burden of proof is on the person who requested the order.
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Legal Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. For crisis support, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Restraining order procedures and terminology vary significantly by state. Always consult with a licensed attorney in your jurisdiction for advice specific to your situation.
The information above provides general guidance applicable in most US jurisdictions. Your state may use different terminology (e.g., “order of protection” instead of “restraining order”) or have different procedural requirements. A local family law attorney or domestic violence advocate can help you navigate your specific state's process.