What should I do first when my spouse says they want a divorce?

Take a breath and avoid making any major decisions in the first 24 hours. Do not move out of the house, sign anything, or confront your spouse on social media. Instead, secure copies of important financial documents, call a trusted friend or family member, and start researching divorce attorneys in your area.

Should I move out of the house when my spouse asks for a divorce?

Generally, no. Moving out can affect your custody rights and property claims. Courts may view leaving the marital home as abandonment in some jurisdictions. Consult with an attorney before making this decision, unless there is a safety concern involving domestic violence.

Do I need to hire a divorce lawyer right away?

You should consult with a divorce attorney within the first few days, even if you are not ready to file. Most offer free initial consultations. An early consultation helps you understand your rights, protect your assets, and avoid costly mistakes during this critical period.

What documents should I gather immediately after learning about divorce?

Secure copies of tax returns (last 3-5 years), bank and investment account statements, mortgage documents, pay stubs, credit card statements, insurance policies, retirement account statements, and any prenuptial agreements. Make copies and store them somewhere your spouse cannot access.

Can my spouse drain our bank accounts before the divorce?

Technically, either spouse can withdraw from joint accounts before a divorce is filed. However, courts look unfavorably on this and may order reimbursement. To protect yourself, document current balances immediately and consider withdrawing half to a separate account. Once a divorce is filed, automatic temporary restraining orders typically prevent either party from dissipating assets.

Your Spouse Just Told You They Want a Divorce. Here's What to Do in the Next 72 Hours.

The moment you hear those words, your world stops. You can't think straight, you can't eat, you can't sleep. That's normal. But the decisions you make in the next three days can shape your entire divorce outcome. This guide will walk you through it — hour by hour.

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The Golden Rule: Do NOT React Impulsively

Before we get into what you should do, here's the most important advice: do not make any major decisions in the first 24 hours. Don't move out. Don't empty bank accounts. Don't confront the other person (if there is one). Don't post on social media. Don't call your spouse's family to vent.

Everything you say and do from this point forward can be used in court. Take a breath. You have more time than you think.

Hours 0–24: Survive and Stabilize

Let yourself feel it

Shock, anger, grief, disbelief, numbness — all of it is normal. Cry if you need to. Call a trusted friend. But do NOT make decisions from this emotional state.

Tell one trusted person

Not social media. Not your in-laws. Pick ONE person you trust completely — a close friend, a sibling, a therapist. You need someone in your corner, but spreading the news too widely too fast can backfire.

Secure your personal documents

Gather or photograph: your ID, passport, Social Security card, birth certificates, marriage certificate. Store copies somewhere safe — a friend's house, a secure cloud folder, or a safe deposit box.

Do NOT leave the house

Unless you are in physical danger, do not move out. Leaving the marital home can affect custody, property rights, and more. If you're unsafe, call 911 or the National DV Hotline (1-800-799-7233).

Hours 24–48: Protect Your Finances

Take a financial snapshot

Log into every account you can access: bank accounts, credit cards, retirement accounts, investment accounts, mortgage. Screenshot or download statements showing current balances. This becomes your baseline — if your spouse moves money later, you'll have proof.

Open your own bank account

Open an individual checking account at a different bank. This ensures you have access to funds regardless of what your spouse does with joint accounts. Redirect your paycheck if needed.

Check your credit report

Pull your free credit report from annualcreditreport.com. Look for accounts you don't recognize, unauthorized credit inquiries, or debts you didn't know about. Consider freezing your credit.

Hours 48–72: Get Professional Help

Consult a divorce attorney

Even if you're hoping for reconciliation, you need to understand your rights. Most attorneys offer free 30-minute consultations. Prepare a list of questions: custody, property, support, timeline. Knowledge is power — not commitment.

Find a therapist or counselor

Divorce is one of the most stressful life events, second only to the death of a spouse. A therapist isn't a luxury — it's a necessity. Many offer sliding scale fees. Your employer's EAP (Employee Assistance Program) often provides free sessions.

Start a divorce journal

Document everything from now on: conversations with your spouse (date, time, what was said), financial changes, parenting arrangements. Keep it factual, not emotional. This can become valuable evidence if disputes arise.

Critical Mistakes to Avoid

✗Don't post about your divorce on social media — it WILL be used against you
✗Don't badmouth your spouse to your children — courts watch this closely
✗Don't destroy, hide, or give away marital property
✗Don't sign anything your spouse gives you without having a lawyer review it
✗Don't start dating — it can affect custody and property division in some states
✗Don't quit your job or make major career changes
✗Don't agree to anything "just to keep the peace" — verbal agreements matter
✗Don't use your children as messengers or spies

Every situation is different

Kids? No kids? Long marriage? Short? Own a home? Have a business? Our AI advisor creates a plan tailored to YOUR specific situation.

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Legal Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Every divorce is unique — laws vary by state, and your circumstances may require different steps. Always consult with a licensed attorney in your jurisdiction before making legal or financial decisions.