Should I Move Out of the Family Home?

It depends on four things:

• 1.Safety — Is there any domestic violence, threats, or abuse?
• 2.Children — How will this affect your custody position?
• 3.Finances — Can you afford to pay for a new place and your share of the existing home?
• 4.State laws — Some states penalize abandonment; others do not.

If you are safe and have children, the default advice from most family law attorneys is: do not move out until you have a written custody agreement or court order in place.

Courts look at where children are established — their school, friends, doctors, activities, and daily routines. When one parent moves out and children stay behind, the remaining parent becomes the “primary residential parent” by default, even without a formal court order.

Disrupting the children's routine by moving out can hurt your custody case. Judges are unlikely to change what seems to be working for the children. If you leave voluntarily, opposing counsel will argue that the current arrangement is stable and should continue.

Bottom line: If custody matters to you, do not leave the home without a written temporary custody agreement that preserves your parenting time.

Leaving the home does not mean you abandon your property claim. Your ownership interest in the marital home remains intact regardless of who lives there. This is a common misconception that causes unnecessary panic.

However, in practice, getting back in can be very difficult once you leave. Your spouse may change the locks (which may or may not be legal depending on your state), refuse entry, or file for exclusive possession. While you have legal remedies, they require going to court — which takes time and money.

Document everything you leave behind. Before moving out, photograph or video every room, every valuable item, and the overall condition of the home. Create a written inventory. This documentation protects you if items go missing or if your spouse later claims the home was in different condition.

• ✓Do not sign anything — No written agreements about property, custody, or finances without your attorney reviewing them first. A hasty agreement made under stress can become a binding legal document.
• ✓Take copies of all important documents — Tax returns (3–5 years), bank statements, investment account statements, mortgage documents, insurance policies, retirement account statements, pay stubs, credit card statements, and your marriage certificate. Take your passport, birth certificate, and Social Security card.
• ✓Keep paying the mortgage if possible — Stopping payments hurts your credit, puts the home at risk of foreclosure, and looks bad in court. Keep records of every payment you make after leaving.
• ✓Document the condition of the home — Photograph or video every room, all furniture, appliances, artwork, electronics, and valuables. Create a detailed written inventory with estimated values. Email it to yourself so it has a timestamp.
• ✓Get a temporary custody agreement in writing— Before you leave, negotiate a written schedule for parenting time. Even an informal email exchange documenting the agreed schedule is better than nothing. Ideally, file a temporary custody order with the court.
• ✓Open your own bank account — If you share joint accounts, open an individual account and redirect your income there. Do not drain joint accounts — courts frown on this — but you are entitled to protect your access to funds.
• ✓Change your passwords and secure your devices— Update passwords for email, banking, social media, and cloud storage. Remove shared access to location tracking apps. Check your phone for monitoring software.