Your Spouse Won't Sign the Divorce Papers? You Can Still Get Divorced.
One of the most common fears people have is that their spouse can block the divorce by refusing to sign. The truth is simple: you do not need your spouse's permission or signature to get divorced. Every state in the US allows you to obtain a divorce even if your spouse refuses to participate. Here's exactly how the process works.
The most important thing to know
In the United States, divorce requires the consent of only one party. Your spouse cannot force you to stay married by refusing to sign papers, ignoring court filings, or disappearing. The court has procedures for every scenario.
Get Personalized GuidanceWhy Spouses Refuse to Sign — and Why It Doesn't Matter
Spouses refuse to sign divorce papers for many reasons: they want to stay married, they're trying to punish the other person, they want to maintain control, they hope the filing spouse will give up, or they believe stalling will give them leverage in negotiations. Sometimes they simply don't want to deal with the paperwork.
Regardless of the reason, the legal system has been designed to handle exactly this situation. California pioneered no-fault divorce in 1970 under the Family Law Act, and since 2010 when New York became the last state to adopt it, every US state now offers some form of no-fault divorce specifically so that one spouse cannot trap the other in a marriage against their will. You only need to state that the marriage is “irretrievably broken” — you don't need your spouse to agree.
The process may take longer when a spouse refuses to cooperate, but the outcome is the same: the divorce will be granted.
Step-by-Step: Getting Divorced Without Your Spouse's Signature
File your divorce petition
You (the “petitioner”) file a petition for dissolution of marriage with the family court in your jurisdiction. This is a unilateral filing — you do not need your spouse's signature or approval to file. The petition states the grounds for divorce (typically “irreconcilable differences” or the equivalent in your state) and outlines your requests regarding property, custody, and support.
Serve your spouse (service of process)
After filing, your spouse must be formally notified — this is called “service of process.” This is a constitutional requirement rooted in the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment, as established in Mullane v. Central Hanover Bank & Trust Co., 339 U.S. 306 (1950): every person has the right to notice reasonably calculated to inform them of pending legal action. Service methods include:
- •Personal service — A process server or sheriff physically hands the papers to your spouse. This is the most common and preferred method.
- •Certified mail — Some states allow service by certified mail with return receipt requested.
- •Substituted service — If personal service fails, you may be able to leave the papers with another adult at your spouse's home or workplace.
Wait for the response period
Once served, your spouse has a set period to respond — typically 20 to 30 days depending on the state (for example, 30 days in California under Code of Civil Procedure Section 412.20, or 20 days in New York under CPLR Section 320). During this time, they can file a response agreeing to the terms, contesting them, or filing a counter-petition. If they do nothing — and many won't when they're refusing to participate — this actually works in your favor.
Request a default judgment
If your spouse fails to respond within the deadline, you can file a Request for Entry of Default with the court. This essentially tells the court: “My spouse was properly served, was given time to respond, and chose not to.” The court will then proceed without their participation. In many cases, the judge will grant the terms you requested in your original petition, since there's no opposition.
Attend the default hearing
Most states require a brief hearing before granting a default divorce. You'll appear before the judge, confirm the facts in your petition, and present your proposed terms. If everything is in order, the judge signs the divorce decree. Your spouse does not need to be present.
What If You Can't Find Your Spouse? (Service by Publication)
Sometimes a spouse isn't just refusing to sign — they've disappeared entirely. Maybe they moved without telling you, left the state, or even the country. The legal system has a solution for this too: service by publication, which courts authorize when personal service is impracticable, consistent with due process requirements under the Fourteenth Amendment.
How service by publication works:
- 1.Show due diligence — You must demonstrate to the court that you made reasonable efforts to locate your spouse. This typically means checking last known addresses, contacting family members, searching public records, and sometimes hiring a skip tracing service or private investigator.
- 2.Get court permission — File a motion with the court requesting permission to serve by publication, along with an affidavit detailing your search efforts.
- 3.Publish the notice — If approved, you publish a legal notice in a newspaper (usually in the area where your spouse was last known to live) for a period specified by your state — typically once a week for 3 to 4 consecutive weeks.
- 4.Wait and proceed — After the publication period ends, the court considers your spouse served. If they still don't respond, you proceed to default judgment.
Service by publication adds time and cost (newspaper publication fees typically range from $100 to $300), but it ensures you can get divorced even when your spouse has vanished.
Default Judgment: What Happens When Your Spouse Doesn't Respond
A default judgment is one of the most powerful tools available when a spouse refuses to participate. Here's what you need to know:
You often get what you asked for
Since there's no opposing argument, courts frequently grant the terms outlined in the petitioner's original filing. This includes property division, custody arrangements, and support requests. The judge still reviews everything for fairness, but without someone arguing against your proposals, the outcome tends to favor the filing spouse.
The court must still protect fairness
Judges won't rubber-stamp wildly unfair proposals just because the other side didn't show up. If you request 100% of assets or sole custody without justification, the judge may modify the terms. However, reasonable proposals are typically approved.
Your spouse can sometimes set aside a default
In most states, a spouse who received a default judgment can file a motion to set it aside — but only within a limited window (usually 30 days to 6 months, for example under California Code of Civil Procedure Section 473(b)) and only if they can show "good cause" like never actually receiving the papers, medical emergency, or fraud. Simply not wanting to deal with the divorce is not good cause.
Default divorce is still a real, legal divorce
A divorce obtained by default judgment is just as legally binding as any other divorce. Your spouse cannot later claim you're still married because they didn't sign anything. The court order is final and enforceable.
Contested vs. Uncontested: When Refusal Becomes a Fight
There's an important distinction between a spouse who refuses to sign and a spouse who actively contests the divorce:
Refuses to participate
Your spouse ignores the papers, refuses to sign, and doesn't file any response with the court.
Result: Default judgment. This is actually the simpler path. Timeline: 2–6 months in most states.
Actively contests
Your spouse files a response disputing your terms — arguing over property division, custody, support, or other issues.
Result: Contested divorce. You'll go through negotiation, possibly mediation, and potentially trial. Timeline: 6 months to 2+ years.
Ironically, a spouse who refuses to engage at all makes the process easier for you than one who hires a lawyer and fights every detail. The worst-case scenario is a spouse who delays and obstructs without formally contesting — dragging things out without actually engaging. Even then, courts have tools (like sanctions and orders to compel) to keep the process moving.
State-Specific Waiting Periods
Regardless of whether your spouse cooperates, every state has minimum waiting periods before a divorce can be finalized. These exist to give both parties time to reconsider, not as a tool for the refusing spouse:
- •No waiting period: Alaska, South Dakota, Georgia (in some circumstances)
- •20–30 days: Nevada (no waiting after service), Arizona (60 days from service), Colorado (91 days)
- •60–90 days: California (6 months), Texas (60 days), Florida (20 days), New York (varies)
- •6 months or more: California (6 months), Vermont (6 months of living apart), many states with separation requirements
- •1 year separation required: North Carolina, Virginia (with some exceptions), Maryland (for no-fault), West Virginia
Common Misconceptions
“Both spouses have to agree to get divorced”
False. This was true decades ago in many states, but every US state now allows one spouse to obtain a divorce over the other's objection. Marriage requires two people's consent; divorce does not.
“If I just ignore the papers, the divorce will go away”
False — and dangerous. Ignoring divorce papers doesn't stop the divorce; it just means you lose your chance to have a say in the outcome. The filing spouse will get a default judgment, often on their terms.
“My spouse has to sign for it to be legal”
False. A divorce decree signed by a judge is a valid court order. It does not require both spouses' signatures. The judge's signature is what makes it legal and binding.
Your spouse's refusal doesn't have to stop you
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Legal Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Divorce procedures vary significantly by state and jurisdiction. The timelines, requirements, and processes described above are general guidelines — your state may have different rules. Always consult with a licensed family law attorney in your state before making legal decisions.
If you are concerned about domestic violence or safety during the divorce process, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or call 911 in an emergency.