Your Spouse Is Controlling the Money During Your Divorce? You're Not Powerless.
One of the most common — and devastating — tactics in divorce is financial control. If your partner has cut you off from bank accounts, hidden assets, or is using money to pressure you into an unfair settlement, you have legal options. Here's what you need to know.
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If you're being financially controlled or abused, you don't have to figure this out alone.
What Is Financial Abuse in a Marriage?
Financial abuse is a form of domestic abuse where one partner uses money to control, manipulate, or punish the other. According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV), it occurs in an estimated 99% of domestic violence cases and affects people of all income levels, education backgrounds, and demographics.
During divorce proceedings, financial abuse often escalates. The controlling partner may use their access to money as leverage to force an unfair settlement, delay proceedings, or simply punish the other spouse for leaving.
While anyone can be a victim, a 2019 study by the Centers for Financial Security at the University of Wisconsin-Madison found that women are disproportionately affected — particularly in marriages where one partner was the primary earner and controlled the household finances.
Warning Signs: Is Your Spouse Financially Abusing You?
Financial abuse during divorce can be subtle or overt. Here are the most common patterns:
Cutting off access to bank accounts
Changing passwords, removing you as an authorized user, or transferring funds to accounts you can't access.
Canceling credit cards
Closing joint credit cards or removing you as an authorized user so you can't pay for necessities, legal fees, or housing.
Hiding or dissipating assets
Moving money to hidden accounts, overpaying taxes (to get refunds later), transferring assets to friends or family, or suddenly "losing" money in business deals.
Running up joint debt
Taking out loans or maxing out credit cards on joint accounts, knowing you'll be responsible for half the debt.
Refusing to pay bills
Stopping mortgage payments, utility bills, or insurance premiums to create financial chaos and pressure.
Using children as leverage
Withholding child support, refusing to pay for children's needs, or threatening to fight for custody unless you accept less money.
Controlling access to information
Refusing to share tax returns, bank statements, investment accounts, or business records needed for fair division.
Your Legal Rights: What the Law Says
Here's the critical thing to understand: your spouse cannot legally cut you off from marital funds during a divorce. In virtually every US state, both spouses have equal rights to marital assets until a court orders otherwise.
Key legal protections:
- 1.Automatic Temporary Restraining Orders (ATROs) — Many states have automatic orders that go into effect when divorce is filed, preventing either spouse from hiding, transferring, or destroying assets. In California, these are governed by Family Code Section 2040 and take effect automatically when divorce papers are served. Texas, New York, Connecticut, and New Jersey have similar provisions.
- 2.Emergency Court Orders — You can ask the court for an emergency order requiring your spouse to give you access to funds, pay certain bills, or maintain the financial status quo.
- 3.Temporary Support Orders — Courts can order the higher-earning spouse to pay temporary spousal support (pendente lite) and attorney fees while the divorce is pending. Under California Family Code Section 2030, for example, courts must ensure each party has access to legal representation regardless of income disparity.
- 4.Contempt of Court — A spouse who violates court orders about finances can be held in contempt, facing fines or even jail time.
- 5.Unequal Division as Penalty — Judges can award a larger share of marital property to the financially abused spouse when the other spouse has hidden or wasted assets.
Emergency Steps: What to Do Right Now
If your spouse has cut you off financially or you suspect they're about to, take these steps as soon as possible:
Open your own bank account
Open an individual checking and savings account at a different bank than your joint accounts. If you have access to marital funds, it is generally legal to move a reasonable amount (up to half) to your own account for living expenses. Consult an attorney first if possible.
Document everything
Gather and copy (don't remove originals) all financial documents: bank statements, tax returns, pay stubs, investment accounts, property deeds, loan documents, credit card statements. Store copies somewhere your spouse cannot access — a trusted friend's house, a safe deposit box, or a secure cloud account.
Get a free legal consultation
Many family law attorneys offer free initial consultations. Legal Aid organizations provide free help if you can't afford an attorney. Call your state bar association's lawyer referral service for options.
Request emergency court orders
Your attorney can file for emergency temporary orders that require your spouse to provide access to funds, pay bills, or maintain the financial status quo. Courts take financial abuse seriously and these orders can often be obtained within days.
Protect your credit
Check your credit report for unauthorized accounts or debts. Consider freezing your credit to prevent your spouse from opening new accounts in your name. Monitor joint accounts for unusual activity.
Build a support network
Financial abuse thrives in isolation. Tell trusted friends or family what's happening. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) — financial abuse IS domestic abuse, and they can help you with safety planning and resources.
How Courts Handle Financial Abuse in Divorce
Family courts have seen this pattern thousands of times. Judges know that financial control is a tactic to gain leverage in divorce, and they have powerful tools to address it:
- ✓Discovery process — Courts can compel your spouse to disclose all financial information under oath. Lying is perjury.
- ✓Forensic accountants — Courts can appoint financial experts to trace hidden assets, analyze business records, and uncover fraud.
- ✓Sanctions and penalties — Spouses who hide assets can be sanctioned financially, ordered to pay the other spouse's attorney fees, or even face criminal charges. Under Federal Rule of Civil Procedure 37 and equivalent state rules, courts can impose monetary sanctions, issue adverse inference instructions, or strike pleadings for discovery abuse.
- ✓Favorable rulings — Judges often award a larger share of marital assets to the victim of financial abuse, especially when the other spouse has been caught hiding or wasting money.
The key takeaway: your spouse may control the bank accounts, but they do not control the court. The legal system is designed to ensure fair division regardless of who held the purse strings during the marriage.
You Are Not Alone: This Happens More Than You Think
The day I told him I wanted a divorce, he went to the bank and moved everything into an account I couldn't touch. I had $47 in my wallet and two kids to feed. I thought I was trapped. My attorney filed an emergency motion and within 48 hours, the court ordered him to restore access to our joint accounts and pay temporary support.
— Anonymous, shared with permission
He made all the money and I was a stay-at-home mom for 12 years. He kept saying 'you'll get nothing' and 'no lawyer will take your case.' Both were lies. I got temporary spousal support, he had to pay my attorney fees, and the final settlement was 50/50 plus alimony.
— Anonymous, shared with permission
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Legal Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Financial abuse situations can be complex and dangerous. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. For crisis support, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Always consult with a licensed attorney in your state before making legal or financial decisions.
Divorce laws vary significantly by state. The information above provides general guidance applicable in most US jurisdictions, but your specific rights and options depend on your state's laws and your individual circumstances.