Divorce and Religion: Navigating Faith and Separation

Civil divorce

This is the legal process handled by the court system. It addresses property division, custody, support, and legal status. A civil divorce is the only process recognized by the government. Once finalized, you are legally single regardless of what any religious institution says.

Religious divorce

This is a separate process governed by your faith community. It may involve a tribunal, a religious document, a clergy decision, or a formal ceremony. A religious divorce affects your standing within your faith community and your ability to remarry within that tradition. It has no legal effect — a religious divorce alone does not end your marriage in the eyes of the law.

You may need both

If your faith is important to you and you want to remarry within your tradition, you will likely need both a civil divorce and a religious divorce. The two processes run independently — completing one does not automatically complete the other. Start the civil process first, as many religious bodies require a finalized civil divorce before beginning their own process.

What an annulment is (and is not)

An annulment does not mean your marriage “never happened.” It means the Church has determined that something essential was missing at the time of consent — making the marriage sacramentally invalid from the beginning. Your children are still considered legitimate.

• •Grounds include: lack of proper consent, psychological incapacity, deception about a serious matter (such as wanting children), undisclosed addiction, or exclusion of fidelity or permanence at the time of vows
• •Timeline: typically 12 to 18 months, though some cases take longer
• •Cost: varies by diocese; many charge minimal fees ($200–$1,000) and offer fee waivers for financial hardship
• •Requirement: you must have a finalized civil divorce before the tribunal will begin the annulment process

The process

Contact your local parish or diocesan tribunal. You will be assigned an advocate (a canon lawyer) who guides you through the process. You will write a detailed account of the marriage and provide witnesses. Your former spouse will be notified and given the opportunity to respond, but their participation is not required. The tribunal reviews the evidence and issues a decision. If denied, you can appeal to the Roman Rota in Rome.

You are still Catholic

A civil divorce does not excommunicate you. You can still attend Mass, receive the Eucharist (if you are not in a new relationship without an annulment), and participate fully in parish life. Many divorced Catholics remain active members of their parish. Pope Francis has repeatedly emphasized the Church's pastoral care for divorced Catholics.

How the get works

• •A get must be written by a trained scribe (sofer) in the presence of the beth din
• •The husband must give it voluntarily, and the wife must accept it voluntarily
• •The process itself is relatively quick (often completed in a single session) once both parties agree
• •Contact your rabbi or local rabbinical court to arrange the process

The agunah problem

If a husband refuses to give a get, the wife becomes an agunah — literally a “chained wife” — who cannot remarry under Jewish law. This is one of the most painful issues in Jewish family law. Some solutions that communities have developed:

• •Prenuptial agreements: the Rabbinical Council of America and the Beth Din of America promote a halachic prenup that creates financial incentives for a husband to grant a get
• •Community pressure: public advocacy, social sanctions, and rallies organized by organizations like the Organization for the Resolution of Agunot (ORA)
• •Civil court leverage: some states (like New York) have laws that consider the get as a factor in equitable distribution of marital property

Talaq (husband-initiated divorce)

Talaq is a declaration of divorce by the husband. Under traditional Islamic law, the husband pronounces talaq (ideally once, with a waiting period). There are different forms: talaq al-sunnah (the recommended gradual process with waiting periods and attempts at reconciliation) and talaq al-bid'ah (an immediate triple pronouncement, which is considered sinful by many scholars but may still be legally binding in some traditions).

Khula (wife-initiated divorce)

A wife can seek a divorce through khula. In this process, the wife typically returns some or all of her mahr (dowry/bridal gift) to her husband. If the husband refuses, the wife can petition an Islamic authority or imam to dissolve the marriage. The right of a Muslim woman to seek divorce is established in the Quran and hadith.

Iddah (waiting period)

After a divorce, there is a mandatory waiting period called iddah — typically three menstrual cycles (about three months). During this period, reconciliation is possible, the woman's pregnancy status can be confirmed, and the husband is obligated to provide financial support. If the woman is pregnant, the iddah extends until delivery.

Important: you still need a civil divorce

In the United States, an Islamic divorce has no legal standing. You must file for a civil divorce to legally end the marriage. Do both — obtain your religious divorce through your mosque or Islamic center, and file for civil divorce through the courts. The mahr may or may not be enforceable in civil court depending on your state and how the agreement was structured.

• ✓Most mainline Protestant churches (United Methodist, Presbyterian, Episcopal, Lutheran, UCC) accept divorce and allow remarriage. Many offer pastoral counseling and divorce support groups.
• ✓Evangelical and conservative churches may accept divorce only for adultery or abandonment (based on Matthew 19:9 and 1 Corinthians 7:15). Some may discourage or stigmatize divorce even in these circumstances.
• ✓Church community impact: divorce can affect your relationships within the congregation, your leadership roles, and your children's social circle. Some people find they need to change churches after a divorce — this is common and not something to feel guilty about.
• ✓Pastoral counseling: many pastors are trained to help couples considering divorce. A good pastor will support you regardless of the outcome. If your pastor pressures you to stay in a dangerous situation, seek a second opinion.

• •No religious divorce needed: since there is no formal religious divorce process in Hinduism, a civil divorce is sufficient to end the marriage legally
• •Family and community pressure: the greatest challenge is often cultural rather than religious. Extended family, community elders, and cultural expectations may create intense pressure to stay married, especially for women
• •Stigma: divorce still carries significant stigma in many Hindu communities, particularly for women. This is a cultural issue, not a religious mandate — there is nothing in Hindu scripture that forbids divorce
• •Support exists: organizations like the South Asian Women's Alliance and Manavi provide culturally sensitive support for South Asian individuals going through divorce

Civil divorce

The LDS Church recognizes civil divorce. While Church leaders encourage couples to work through difficulties, they do not require members to remain in marriages that involve abuse, infidelity, or other serious problems. A civil divorce does not affect your Church membership or standing.

Temple sealing cancellation

A temple sealing (eternal marriage) is not automatically canceled by a civil divorce. To cancel a sealing, you must petition the First Presidency of the Church. This is typically done when one or both parties want to be sealed to a new spouse. A woman must have her previous sealing canceled before being sealed to a new husband; a man may be sealed to more than one woman (if widowed or divorced) without cancellation, though policies continue to evolve. The process involves your bishop, stake president, and ultimately the First Presidency.

A vow requires two people

Marriage vows are mutual. If your spouse has broken their vows through abuse, infidelity, addiction, or abandonment, the covenant has already been violated — not by you. You cannot maintain a covenant alone.

Scripture speaks to suffering too

Every major faith tradition has teachings about justice, protection of the vulnerable, care for children, and the dignity of every person. These teachings are just as important as the teachings about marriage permanence. A faith that demands you suffer endlessly is not reading its own texts fully.

Shame is not from God

The shame you feel may come from your community, your family, or your own internalized expectations — but it does not come from a loving God. Most faith traditions teach that God meets people in their suffering with compassion, not condemnation. If you are making the best decision you can in an impossible situation, you are not failing your faith.

Do I need both a civil and religious divorce?

A civil divorce is the only legally binding process. You need a religious divorce only if you want to remarry within your faith tradition or maintain certain standing within your religious community. The two processes are independent of each other.

Will my church reject me if I get divorced?

Most faith communities are more welcoming of divorced members than people expect. While attitudes vary by congregation, the trend across all major religions is toward greater compassion and support for divorced individuals. If your current congregation is not supportive, there are others that will be. Your relationship with God does not depend on any human institution.

My spouse is using religion to control me. What do I do?

Using religious beliefs to manipulate, shame, or trap a spouse in a marriage is a form of spiritual abuse. If your spouse quotes scripture to justify controlling behavior, prevents you from seeking help, or uses religious authority to override your autonomy, this is not a reflection of genuine faith. Speak to a domestic violence advocate or a clergy member outside your spouse's influence. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) can help.

Can I still receive communion / participate in sacraments after divorce?

This depends entirely on your denomination. In the Catholic Church, divorced Catholics who have not remarried without an annulment can receive communion. Most Protestant churches place no restrictions on divorced members. In other traditions, ask your clergy directly — the answer is often more permissive than people assume.